i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
