I love black thongs
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize