Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
