sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
