Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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