i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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