Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
