Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize