what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
