Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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