I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
