I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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