my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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