If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
