I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
