I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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