so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
two words...techno handjob
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you had me at cake vodka
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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