Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
