I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
