There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
