Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
