Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
