Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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