Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
