There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
