oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
home. puking in laundry basket.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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