I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
