When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
