Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
