My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
