Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize