I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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