if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
