I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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