it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
