Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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