shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
