Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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