Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
