I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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