She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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