TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
