I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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