Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
