It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
