I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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