You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
