break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wanna go halves on a baby?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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