I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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