we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you had me at cake vodka
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
