He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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