the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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