the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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