I murdered the dance floor call the cops
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
