the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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