His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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