Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
