tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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