And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
