this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
