Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
