I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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