Sry I called you an 8
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
