i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
