White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize