arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
