Where did you get a picture of my penis
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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