kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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