I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
