I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
