need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
