Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
